Last November

November 15, 2010 @ 11.47 AM

Fell like no home..

No one can even be with me when I need a shoulder to hold on..

But then I know..

That God always beside me, whenever I need Him..

At least I have someone to tell my story, to share my experience today and to share what I feel of something or someone…

Never be in this sad-so sad also painfull- I think..

Maybe its just a word, but it reallycan cut off myheart..

Maybe they just don’t know how it feels..

But I rather been hit than say some word that will always inside my memories..

Need go back to home..

Some people say home is the best place for do anything, but now it seems so different to me..

And I wanna have one of that dream home..

So when I go back, I can just lay down and forget all the problem that I have that time..

God, please give me a heart as pure as yours that can be patient to keep all of this painfull..

Really don’t want to cry anymore,,

When my tears drown, I just..suddenly remember all the bad, sad and all the things that make me uncomfortable.. ><

Really sick of being this situation, I wanna be strong,,

I know that so many people out there care of me, but they also have their own problem, so I think I cant keep tell my story to them, cos maybe they all so bored and even mad when listen to all my story that really childish..

I used to do some things when I cry all alone..i’ll run in front of mirror and try to smile eventough its really hard..but I try my best until my tears wont come down anymore..maybe its funny, but its affected to me..coz when I see my own smile, it shows me that I’ll have to be stronger…and also I put my head to look up so my tears can’t drown..also try to make a big, big, really big smile… :’)

But at least, I wanna thanks God that never let me go alone, coz there’s so many times that I think, im useless to live, always have so many people mad at me and being sick of my situation, also maybe because of my attitude that still childish, but then I remember U, God…I know that I can’t see ur face and listen to ur voice..but I believe u keep ur eyes in me…and im glad for that..

Im really not a kind person..im really disappointed to myself and don’t know how to make it better anymore..im full of painfull right now..and I know that I cant be this way for all the rest of time..but maybe I need some time to cry it out loud..so I can push it all away from myheart, don’t want to have all bad memories, sad situation and another..

Im just a human being that can’t be perfect, but I’ll try my best by learn from u..from now on I wanna be just an ordinary people that just as simple as u was..

Thanks God,..whenever I have a bad / negative thinking u’ll always there watching me and make my way right so I can through it all..